Trigger warnings: Sex, sexuality, sexual abuse, sexual coercion
Today on the blog, I'm wrapping up my second Color and Confidence series with the color purple and some discussion about women's bodies as they relate to sexuality.
In order to live independent, fully authentic, free lives, we must be the controllers of our own destinies and our own choices. Our career decisions, choices to marry or not, to be a parent or not, our decisions regarding our sexuality...all of these choices are ours to make and ours alone.
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| Skirt: Eloquii |
Confidence is built by living our lives as free individuals, free from the restraints that others would put on us. When we are free to try and fail, to try and succeed, to try and just exist in the moments we create, then we develop our sense of selves. Through this freedom, our identities, our truest concepts of what is right and wrong for us, etc. are allowed to develop and flourish.
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| Jacket: Torrid (old) |
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| Tank: Target |
Unfortunately, women in this society are often restricted in becoming full-fledged adults to the extent that our sexuality and free will regarding our bodies is often taken from us through socialization, lack of options, laws, etc. Women's bodies are highly regulated within the culture through economic and political policies and normative ideals. Many girls and women in this culture are still taught that their value as human beings is to be found primarily in their virginity and purity and in their roles as wives as mothers. Girls are shamed for being sexually curious or adventurous, while boys are often applauded. We can look to the double standards all over society wherein sexually active young men (or those perceived as such) are studs, pimps, and players, while sexually active young women (or those perceived as such) are sluts, whores, and hoes. Girls tend to be much more likely than boys to receive shame-based sexual education that can have horrifying effects.
At the same time that girls are taught to maintain chastity, they are taught that having boyfriends and male attention is a good that should be sought out. They are taught that pleasing their boyfriends should be a primary goal. Girls and women are surrounded by sexist images of highly sexualized women offered up as objects for male fantasy. Females are taught that engaging in same-sex sexual activity is pleasing to (heterosexual) men and should be done for spectacle rather than true attraction to other women.
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| Blazer: New York & Company |
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| Clutch: The Limited |
Because of this, many women spend their lives highly constrained in their sexuality, afraid to ask questions, scared to share their activities even with their own doctors for fear of judgment. Girls and women are more likely to be coerced into sexual activity because they haven't been taught that their bodies are theirs to share or not to share at their own choosing. They haven't been taught to pay attention to their own sexual desires - in many instances, they are taught that they don't have or shouldn't have such desires.
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| Booties: Sonoma life+style (Available at Kohl's here) |
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| Boots: Target |
Then, there is this ridiculous, heterosexist stereotype of fat women as sexually promiscuous, founded on the premise that fat women are more desperate for male attention. We are supposed to be thrilled and grateful that men might find us appealing enough for sex.
News flash - being approached and harassed sexually is not alluring. It's not a turn on, and fat women aren't all sitting around hoping some man can overlook their fat bodies and actually have sex with them.
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| Top: Eloquii |
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| Bangles: LOFT |
To the women who may be feeling lonely, I just want to remind you that you are better than these men, better than these encounters. Our bodies are only one small part of who we are. There are so many amazing men AND women out there who will love you and your body. There is no need to settle for someone who simply has a fat fetish or who just wants to get laid (P.S. even if you too are just looking to get laid - there are better choices than these men!)
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| Cuff: The Limited |
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| Necklace: JC Penney |
Our bodies are ours to use intimately or sexually as much as we want, including not at all. Women should not be slut-shamed or made to feel uptight or prudish for their sexual choices. As long as we aren't harming anyone else with our sexual choices and all participants are consenting, sexual freedom is part of living a healthy confident life in our bodies
Our perceptions of our bodies are often tied to the various uses of our bodies. Breathing, walking, running, eating, sitting, hugging, sleeping, brushing our teeth, growing other humans, putting on clothes, having sex...all of these activities may affect our perception of self and our bodies to some degree. Being able to fully engage in the sexual sides of ourselves, whether that means serial monogamy, abstinence, polyamory, monogamous marriage, or frequent sexual adventures with whoever we choose is part of what makes us full adults, complete women. That freedom to choose how we use our bodies sexually is tied to our feelings of self-worth. When we are free to make choices for ourselves and to listen to our own needs and wants, we can only be more confident as human beings.
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| Tank: Old Navy |
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| Glasses: Firmoo.com |
And with freedom of choice is the freedom to dress our bodies as we see fit, no matter our body size or shape. Wearing color sends a bold message that as a woman, that as a person of any shape or size, that you won't be ignored and that you won't be made invisible by society.
Like any color, it can be easy to incorporate your favorite shades of purple into your wardrobe without going over-the-top with color.
Try a purple top
Accessorize with purple shoes and bags
Plum blazers and dresses look great mixed with faux leather and cognac touches
Purple sweaters are cozy & easy
Do you like wearing the color purple? Do you agree that sexuality is tied to body confidence? Why or why not?
Hope you enjoyed my color and confidence series. Catch up with the other posts in this series here:
For the first Color and Confidence: Purple, see here
For the cropped black blazer, see here, here, here, and here
For the black lace crop top, see here, here, here, and here
For the black leather sleeve blazer, see here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here
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