Color and Confidence 2: Purple Haze

Trigger warnings:  Sex, sexuality, sexual abuse, sexual coercion

Today on the blog, I'm wrapping up my second Color and Confidence series with the color purple and some discussion about women's bodies as they relate to sexuality.

In order to live independent, fully authentic, free lives, we must be the controllers of our own destinies and our own choices.  Our career decisions, choices to marry or not, to be a parent or not, our decisions regarding our sexuality...all of these choices are ours to make and ours alone.

Skirt:  Eloquii

Confidence is built by living our lives as free individuals, free from the restraints that others would put on us.  When we are free to try and fail, to try and succeed, to try and just exist in the moments we create, then we develop our sense of selves.  Through this freedom, our identities, our truest concepts of what is right and wrong for us, etc. are allowed to develop and flourish.

Jacket:  Torrid (old)

Tank:  Target

Unfortunately, women in this society are often restricted in becoming full-fledged adults to the extent that our sexuality and free will regarding our bodies is often taken from us through socialization, lack of options, laws, etc.  Women's bodies are highly regulated within the culture through economic and political policies and normative ideals.  Many girls and women in this culture are still taught that their value as human beings is to be found primarily in their virginity and purity and in their roles as wives as mothers.  Girls are shamed for being sexually curious or adventurous, while boys are often applauded.  We can look to the double standards all over society wherein sexually active young men (or those perceived as such) are studs, pimps, and players, while sexually active young women (or those perceived as such) are sluts, whores, and hoes.  Girls tend to be much more likely than boys to receive shame-based sexual education that can have horrifying effects. 

At the same time that girls are taught to maintain chastity, they are taught that having boyfriends and male attention is a good that should be sought out.  They are taught that pleasing their boyfriends should be a primary goal.  Girls and women are surrounded by sexist images of highly sexualized women offered up as objects for male fantasy.  Females are taught that engaging in same-sex sexual activity is pleasing to (heterosexual) men and should be done for spectacle rather than true attraction to other women.

Blazer:  New York & Company

Clutch:  The Limited

Because of this, many women spend their lives highly constrained in their sexuality, afraid to ask questions, scared to share their activities even with their own doctors for fear of judgment.  Girls and women are more likely to be coerced into sexual activity because they haven't been taught that their bodies are theirs to share or not to share at their own choosing.  They haven't been taught to pay attention to their own sexual desires - in many instances, they are taught that they don't have or shouldn't have such desires.

Booties:  Sonoma life+style (Available at Kohl's here)

Boots:  Target

Then, there is this ridiculous, heterosexist stereotype of fat women as sexually promiscuous, founded on the premise that fat women are more desperate for male attention.  We are supposed to be thrilled and grateful that men might find us appealing enough for sex. 

News flash - being approached and harassed sexually is not alluring.  It's not a turn on, and fat women aren't all sitting around hoping some man can overlook their fat bodies and actually have sex with them.

Top:  Eloquii

Bangles:  LOFT

To the women who may be feeling lonely, I just want to remind you that you are better than these men, better than these encounters.  Our bodies are only one small part of who we are.  There are so many amazing men AND women out there who will love you and your body.  There is no need to settle for someone who simply has a fat fetish or who just wants to get laid (P.S.  even if you too are just looking to get laid - there are better choices than these men!)

Cuff:  The Limited

Necklace:  JC Penney

Our bodies are ours to use intimately or sexually as much as we want, including not at all.  Women should not be slut-shamed or made to feel uptight or prudish for their sexual choices.  As long as we aren't harming anyone else with our sexual choices and all participants are consenting, sexual freedom is part of living a healthy confident life in our bodies

Our perceptions of our bodies are often tied to the various uses of our bodies.  Breathing, walking, running, eating, sitting, hugging, sleeping, brushing our teeth, growing other humans, putting on clothes, having sex...all of these activities may affect our perception of self and our bodies to some degree.  Being able to fully engage in the sexual sides of ourselves, whether that means serial monogamy, abstinence, polyamory, monogamous marriage, or frequent sexual adventures with whoever we choose is part of what makes us full adults, complete women.  That freedom to choose how we use our bodies sexually is tied to our feelings of self-worth.  When we are free to make choices for ourselves and to listen to our own needs and wants, we can only be more confident as human beings.

Tank:  Old Navy

Glasses:  Firmoo.com

And with freedom of choice is the freedom to dress our bodies as we see fit, no matter our body size or shape.  Wearing color sends a bold message that as a woman, that as a person of any shape or size, that you won't be ignored and that you won't be made invisible by society.

Like any color, it can be easy to incorporate your favorite shades of purple into your wardrobe without going over-the-top with color.

Try a purple top

From left to right:  Marvelous Midis; This is What a Feminist Looks Like; Fall Color Week 2:  Plum Purple

Accessorize with purple shoes and bags

From left to right:  Leopard In Transition; Queen Cobra

Plum blazers and dresses look great mixed with faux leather and cognac touches

From left to right:  A Homecoming Look + A Review of My Pick from Altuzarra for Target; Dress Up Tee Time

Purple sweaters are cozy & easy

From left to right: Fall Double Feature: Sweater Glamour; I Resolve To Show More Leg

Do you like wearing the color purple?  Do you agree that sexuality is tied to body confidence?  Why or why not?

Hope you enjoyed my color and confidence series.  Catch up with the other posts in this series here:

For the first Color and Confidence:  Purple, see here

For the cropped black blazer, see here, here, here, and here
For the black lace crop top, see here, here, here, and here
For the black leather sleeve blazer, see here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here

Color and Confidence 2: Seeing Red

Last summer, I posted my first color and confidence series, a series dedicated to wearing every color of the rainbow while discussing issues of body image, self-esteem, and following one's life passions.

Dress:  eShakti (Currently sold out; See here)

While I definitely prefer wearing neutrals, I find that wearing color projects a stronger message to others and makes other people take notice.  I'm finishing up the month of August with a second issue of this series, in which I hope to engage in some real talk about our bodies, self esteem, and more.

Let's start with the fashion, always my favorite topic! 

Blazer:  The Limited

Red is generally credited as the boldest of color choices, and there is definitely something statement-making about it.  Here, a red blazer and red lip help offset the sweetness of a floral summer dress and white accessories.

Heels:  Candie's (Available at Kohl's here)

I first featured this dress on my round-up of favorites from eShakti, and soon after that post, I ordered this gem using their custom fit options.  It fit perfectly right out of the box.  It's definitely quite low-cut, and I'm working through some ideas on how to wear it.  For today's look, I paired it with a white slip to get more coverage.  If I wanted to wear this dress to work or for a more conservative situation, I could pull this slip up higher to be less cleavage-bearing.

Glasses:  Valentino

Bracelets:  The Limited

Clutch:  New York & Company

While I like to have options for changing the look and feel of a piece, I realize lately that I am gravitating more towards lower-cut styles.  I love a little drama in my wardrobe, and lower-cut necklines definitely help add that flair.  I think as I get older, I am getting less apologetic and freer with my body.  

What I mean is that my body image is slowly starting to become less central to my life as I focus on life goals, my family, and other things that are more important to me.  At the end of the day, I have less time or desire to worry about whether my body looks acceptable to someone else.  I love short skirts and cleavage.  If I feel like rocking either or both, I do it now without feeling concerned about what someone else might think.  I'm learning to love my body in all its imperfections and to realize that, whenever possible, I should dress for myself first and foremost. 

Our bodies belong to us, and it's generally our right to care for them as we please, use them as we please, and show them as we please.  I'll be exploring some of these issues more as the week progresses, but today I really wanted to address the clothing aspect of this idea.

We live in a culture that tells women to bare their bodies, a culture that praises women who bare their breasts, abs, and other body parts, a culture that promises success to women who aren't afraid to show a little skin... of course, this encouragement and promised success is only available to cisgender women who fit the normative ideal of beauty. 

In U.S. culture, and many others around the world, fat women are generally discouraged from showing off their bodies in any way, outside of fetish pornography.  We're told from mainstream magazines, like O Magazine, for example, that we haven't earned the right to show our bodies if we don't have perfectly flat stomachs.  We're the target of cruel internet memes, social media hate groups, and fetish sites.

At the same time, the fatkini and crop top revolutions among plus size activists and bloggers has started to go mainstream, and larger women are being encouraged to lose the extra layers and loose clothing in favor of skin-baring options and body-hugging silhouettes.  This is wonderful.  Allowing plus size women the freedom to choose from a more diverse selection of fashion and to not live in hiding, ashamed of their extra flesh, is truly, truly inspiring.

But, is there now a pressure on women of all shapes and sizes to show off their bodies?  Are you less than confident in your body if you still prefer a skirted one-piece or a looser shape?  Not necessarily.  Do you prefer to not show your body off because you're not confident about certain parts?  That's okay too.  We're all at different places with our body image.  There is no wrong way to dress your body.  There is no wrong way to have a body.

Style should be personal, and we have all earned the right, simply by having bodies, to adorn them any way we please!

As women, we are caught in the catch-22 of either being defined as too sexy or too prudish, too fat or too thin. There is no right way to exist as a woman in this culture. Dress as you please, and let the judgments fall as they may. At the end of the day, the only person whose opinion of your style matters is YOU!!!!

If you're wanting to adorn those bodies in the color red, but need some ideas on how to incorporate more of this color into your wardrobe, I have some ideas for you:
Try adding red accessories for a pop of color

Left to right:  Black Pants for Work 2:  The Jumpsuit;  Comfy Work Wear

Coral reds are a softer version of red and feel a little more punchy and fun than true red

Left to right:  Maxi and Moto - 3 Ways!; Lounging in Flowers; Summer Crush

Pairing red with other primary colors is always a safe bet

Left to right:  Catting Around; Yellow and Red

Berry red looks fab on all skin tones, and is a subtler, richer version of red

Left to right:  Berry Professional; Honorable Mentions 5

Red blazers, sweaters, dresses, skirts and pants make a clear color statement.  Mix with neutrals and metallics to help temper the bright color

Left, top to bottom: Fall Color Week 2:  Sangria; Bringing a Little Color to the Workplace
Center:  To Belt or Not to Belt
Right, top to bottom:  Red and Plaid; Keep it Classic

 Stay tuned for more in the color and confidence series!

Do you like wearing red?  Do you feel pressure to either show off or hide your body?

For last year's color and confidence post featuring red, see here.

For the red blazer in other looks, see here, here, here, and here.

UNCONDITIONAL BODY BEAUTIFUL - PART 6: BODY HAIR

So, I am extremely late on June's installment of #UnconditionalBodyBeautiful (so late that it's July), but this latest installment's focus was on body hair!  

Since I love fashion, and I'm first and foremost a style blogger, I have always taken effort to make each of the posts in this series as much about style as body image, using what I'm wearing to help tell the story of my changing relationship to my body.  While there are many ways to explore and develop our relationships with our bodies, I think fashion can be such an incredible gateway towards learning to see our bodies in a positive light.

Swimsuit:  GabiFresh for Swimsuits For All (Available in kiwi here)

Blazer:  Eloquii

With the focus for June on body hair, I thought what better way to discuss a part that almost literally covers our entire bodies than with a fashion choice that covers the least amount it (or at least the least amount of it that I would show on the blog!)?  So, the idea to wear a swimsuit for this post was born.  

This is my first EVER post on the blog dedicated exclusively to a swimsuit (and my first bikini on the blog).  I had actually been planning this post for several months, but life, poor weather, and a certain level of anxiety kept getting in the way of my photo shoots.

Heels:  Target

Sunglasses:  Calvin Klein

Earrings:  Prabal Gurung for Target

Since I was actually rather nervous about doing a swimsuit shoot (and had nixed a shoot I did last year), I decided several months ago that I didn't just want this to be any normal outfit of the day shoot. I wanted something a little more glamorous, a little more edgy, and a lot more fun.  Go big or go home, right?!  I came up with the idea to take pics on the Old Chain of Rocks Bridge that crosses over between Missouri and Illinois.  The bridge is now completely open to pedestrians and has some cool Route 66 signs and informational stands. 

Oh, did I mention, the bridge also has a car?!  The younger kids had fun getting in the car, pretending to drive, and having a mini photo shoot of their own.  Yes, the man and I loaded up four of the five kids in the family truckster (one was at a friend's house) to head over to the bridge, and we spent the bulk of the afternoon walking the bridge and stopping in various places to take pics.

I initially wore a dress over my suit (and flip flops), but as soon as I lost the dress to begin taking pictures, it stayed off.  There weren't a ton of people around, but there were definitely quite a few.  I expected to be super nervous about showing off my bikini bod in front of strangers, especially on a bridge where most people aren't strutting around in heels and swimwear.  After getting over the initial butterflies, I found myself feeling surprisingly confident and having a lot of fun with the shoot. 

I honestly just felt like I was doing something good - good for myself and for my own body image, but good for others as well.  I was happy to be a body positive role model to my kids - for them to see me doing my thing and not be concerned about the reaction of others.  My daughters wanted to wear their swimsuits on the bridge too, so as soon as we got out of our vehicle, they had stripped down to their swimsuits and flip flops and were joyously skipping and running towards the bridge. :-)

In addition to being a positive role model for my kids, I hope I inspired some confidence in others on the bridge with us that day - whether it was the totally in-shape runner, the thin teen girl, or the overweight harried mother desperately trying to corral her kids (I totally feel her pain lol), I would love if my actions in any way made their day a little brighter.  If seeing me posing in a swimsuit feeling and looking confident made them feel a little bit better about themselves, every bit of anxiety I had about doing the photo shoot was completely worth it!!  By that same token, if this post in any way strikes a chord with you, if it makes you feel a little bit better about yourself or gives you the confidence to try something new, then I am more than ecstatic about putting myself out there!

Speaking of you, my readers, boy was I nervous to post this.  But, at the end of the day, I figured what's the worst thing?  You see a little more cellulite than you're used to seeing from me?  I can live with that!  Besides, at the end of the day, I'm just a woman in a swimsuit, nothing abnormal or shocking about that!

The pictures turned out so well, and I had sooo many from which to choose.  Nothing is Photoshopped or edited in these photos, except for a bit of photo cropping and straightening.  What you see is me.  I have cellulite.  I have belly and back fat.  This is me, in all my glory. :-)

My fiance normally doesn't take my blog photos, but he took most of them for this shoot (my son helped some too), and I think he started having fun with it.  In total, I had over 1100 pics from which to choose - it was really hard to narrow it down!!

My man thinks he's quite the photographer, giving me all kinds of direction.  He soon made me forget how sweaty I had gotten while walking and taking the pics - because let's keep it real, it was hot and humid and I was feeling it!

Well, now that I relayed to you all the hairy details (see what I did there?) behind today's pics, let me talk about this month's theme - body hair!

I'm part Armenian.  We're a fairly hairy people.  My grandfather had hair everywhere except on top of his head. LOL  My hair tends to grow extremely fast both on my head and on my body.  Since my hair is fine and not super dark, this tends to not be overly problematic for me, but that wasn't always the case.

When I was a young girl, about 9 or 10, I would often try to shave my legs when my mother wasn't looking.  I was self-conscious about the hair on my legs and wanted it removed.  I thought my mom was being mean to me by not letting me shave.  I simply hated being told that I was too young.

Once I started shaving my legs and underarms, body hair no longer seemed like a major problem.  I have a tendency towards a unibrow on my face, which I sometimes shave, sometimes wax, and sometimes leave alone.  It was always a source of jokes between a friend and me, as she would joke that I "saved the rainforest by letting it grow between my eyes."  It was good-natured ribbing, and I laughed with her.  Honestly, body hair has been the least of my concern for the most part.

In college, as my social and feminist consciousness grew, I decided that I was no longer going to shave my legs.  I continued to shave my underarms simply because I don't care for underarm hair on anybody - just not my favorite thing.  This decision not to shave my legs conveniently lasted for several months over a harsh winter that was spent in jeans and tights.  Once spring hit, I started shaving my legs again.  The idea that women should shave their legs was so ingrained as a beauty ritual that I honestly didn't think I could handle not doing it if my legs were going to be shown publicly.

Since that time, I've continued to shave.  Again, I'm a hairy gal, and I usually have 5 o'clock shadow on my legs before the day is over.  Due to lack of time and sheer laziness (shaving can really be quite a tedious task), I've taken to skipping a day of shaving, letting small hints of stubble show during the warmer months.  If anything gets too hairy, I rely on pants as back-up.  During the cooler months, due to dry skin and again laziness, I usually go several days without shaving.

While I may not like to be too hairy in public, I have never had a major problem with it in more intimate situations.  My partners have all cuddled up next to hairy legs and furry pits from time to time and not one of them seemed to have a problem with it.

To be perfectly honest, while none of my partners has ever seemed to mind a little excess hair, I do feel sexier or more kempt when I'm clean-shaven.  I like the look and feel of smooth legs, and again, society has dictated that women remove hair from their legs and underarms.  It is one of those ingrained rules that has been quite hard to break.  I relax it and push the boundaries from time to time, but I never full-on break the rules and bare the hair.

Speaking of societal rules, during my college years, the removal of public hair started to become a trend and then the normative expectation for women.  At first, I wholeheartedly rejected this idea.  While I couldn't argue that it was any less logical than removing other body hair, I think that I initially found the demand extremely oppressive and offensive.  I felt like it was promoting an ideal of prepubescence which I found very pedophilic.  The culture already polices and regulates so many aspects of women's bodies.  I thought how dare anyone try to tell women that we are less desirable or worthy with pubic hair. 

I still believe this.  We are no less worthy or desirable with full bodies of hair than we are with smooth, hairless bodies (and vice versa).  I remember being rather insulted when the PACU nurse, removing surgical tapes after an emergency C-section, laughingly apologized for any pain she was causing (in pulling out hairs) while also pointing out that this isn't usually an issue for most women.  By the time of my C-section, I had been in labor for several days.  I could have given a rat's ass less about some pubic hair! LOL

That said, now I can see both sides of the coin, and find that removal of body hair anywhere on the body can be ritualistic, relaxing, liberating, personally gratifying, even sensual.  I don't place any judgment on other women's decisions to keep or remove their body hair.  I've been intrigued by this recent trend of dyeing underarm hair (it makes a statement, but seems like way too much trouble for me to want to personally try it).  I reject the notion that in order for women to be beautiful or feminine they must be perfectly plucked, waxed, or shaved. We can and should do whatever feels right for us.  As for my pubic hair, that's for me, my man, and my gyno to know. :-)

Do you have any concerns about body hair?  Do you remove body hair or let it grow? 

Woohoo! Yay for bikini bodies in any size - or whatever YOU want to wear on the beach!

Want to catch up with the first five installments of #UnconditionalBodyBeautiful?

Here they are:
Part 1:  My Body and I from the Beginning
Part 2:  The Heart (Bust)
Part 3:  My Journey on My Legs
Part 4:  My Belly and Me
Part 5:  My Buttocks

Also, don't forget to check out this month's other participants in #UnconditionalBodyBeautiful!

Katherine Hayward, The Glitter Notebook
https://theglitternotebook.wordpress.com/2015/06/18/123/

Zadry Ferrer-Geddes, Curves a la Mode
http://curvesalamode.com/2015/06/18/unconditional-body-beautiful-part-six-body-hair/

Josephine Lee, Josofab Curvesity's World
http://www.josofabscurvesity1.com/?p=85